Recommendation Wednesdays

When I was at at the park this past Monday chatting with one of my favorite mommy friends, the conversation turned to the vent/commiserate/rant phase that is common after mothers are completely wiped out from the series of summer activities and are forced to deal with extra cantankerous kiddies as the fall starts and schedules change.

Anyways, it was clear that my friend was burnt out. The summer was long and hot and involved lots of traveling and health issues for one of her little ones. Since it was the start of a new school year she made two goals for herself: to hire a new cleaning woman and to get a new babysitter (her other one had returned to school). I told her that I thought those were realistic reasonable goals and that more mothers should have sensible goals like that. She went on to say that it had become apparent to her that she was not taking good care of herself and that that in turn was putting a strain on everything else-her communication lines with her husband, her long days with the kids, her patience and emotional well-being etc.

As I sat there and spoke with her about how I could totally relate (I always try to do too much and often play the role of the Mommy Martyr instead of asking for help for fear that I will be judged as a failure by everyone for not being able to work, have a family and do seven million other things simultaneously) I realized that I too was not taking care of myself either. I believe my exact words were something to the effect of: "it's just too easy to put your husband's needs and your children's needs and the demands of your household before yourself. When you get married it is one thing, but once you are a mommy, you always come last."

Now that I reread these words, it is sad to think that mommies are the glue that run the house and hold the family together, yet mommies are always in last place when it comes to getting their own needs met.

This casual chat at the park reminded me of the best advice my mother has ever given me and I want to share it with all of you, since it so simple to do. My mother always said to "Do Something Nice For Yourself Everyday." When I was younger I thought this meant something really extreme, like save your allowance and buy yourself a pony, but as I have gotten older and the stressors in my life have grown exponentially, I have come to understand that this something nice that you do for yourself everyday should be something small. Something that reminds you for a minute that there are simple gifts in this world, that you are appreciated, and that you have the hardest job in the world.

These nice things do not necessarily have to be time consuming either, because nice means something different for every person and nice can vary from day to day. It could be as small as treating yourself to a Starbucks coffee instead of coffee at home. It could involve reading a book for pleasure for 10 minutes while waiting in the carpool line or it could mean telling your husband that he is in charge of ordering food for dinner (you just can't bear the thought of cooking tonight) or cleaning up the dishes.

For my recommendation this Wednesday, I am offering a reminder to all you overworked, underpaid, overtired, stressed out SAHMs-"Do Something Nice For Yourself Everyday." You will be surprised how the littlest things can make a huge difference in your demeanor.