School Days

As I walked through the mall today with my 16 month-old, Bruno, in the stroller, I looked around at all the kids getting ready to start school-haircuts, new shoes, new backpacks etc.- and I couldn't help but remember what the first day back to school was like. I used to call all my friends the day before to hear about their summers and to plan what outfit would be the best thing to wear that first day.

There was always a mixed sense of excitement coupled with fear and anxiety about the first day of school. Would my teacher be nice? Would I be prepared to learn everything that I was supposed to? Would my friends still like me?

It's been so long since my own first day of any school ( first day of kindergarten, middle school, high school, college) that I almost forgot all the preparation and excitement that accompany it. There is something so calming about the back to school rituals that always took two or three days to complete-haircuts and shoes one day, school supplies and backpacks another day. As my own thoughts were consumed by my old memories of my own first school days, I realized that my 16 month-old was too young to even know that he would be going to his first day of Pre-K in one week. He did not yet understand what these rituals signaled.The excitement of preparing to go to school were still unknown to him. It was at this moment that I got choked up for the first time about my son going to school-where had the time gone? Was he too young? Was I making the right decision to send him early?

I think that I was mostly sad that I wouldn't get to spend as much time with him as I usually do, but I was also sad that he had grown so fast and I worried that he wouldn't be ready for Pre-K and that his lack of preparation would be a direct reflection of my skills as a parent.

By the end of our trip to the shoe store and the haircut place, I came to terms with the fact that even if I wasn't ready for Bruno to go to his first day of school, that didn't mean that Bruno wasn't ready to go to his first day of school. Yes I would miss him while he was at school and I would worry and wonder about what he was doing each moment of each day, but at the same time, I remembered how happy it made me each year to go through these back to school rituals of haircuts and shoe buying because it meant that the dull days of summer were over and I was allowed to return to a fun place where I flourished.

So as I purchased new shoes and asked the lady to not cut too high on the sides above my son's ears, I felt good about my decision to send my son to Pre-K early, hopeful that he too will remember the rituals of returning to school and smile.....one day.