Torpedo in the Tub and Other Toilet Antics

What is it with my son and bodily waste? Is it because he is a boy? The kid is absolutely fascinated by any type of dirty waste expelled from his little body.

His most recent bodily escapades involved a torpedo in the bath tub, urinating on his baby sister and stuffing things with his hands down Mommy and Daddy's toilet just because the opportunity presented itself.

After this trifecta of filth I finally realized that my not-yet two year-old son is probably ready to start potty training.

I will share the antics leading up to this conclusion with all of you though since it is quite humorous and good for a laugh.

The first was the bombing of the bath tub while we were in Florida on vacation. This one was pretty mainstream in terms of bath room issues so that's why I didn't think it was any indication that Bruno might want to poop in the potty. He had a big dinner and didn't take a post meal poop , which he doesn't always do, so I put him in the tub and continued along with his routine. Well mid-bath I get a whiff and realize that Bruno has pooped in the tub. Pretty obvious why-he had to go and the warm water in the tub just eased things along. Not pretty, but it could have been a lot worse and fortunately it wasn't my tub.

Now the second incident was a little more of a red flag in terms of wanting to potty train and now that I look back on it, this is the incident that should have made me stop and say-"let's break out the potty."

While we were in Florida our infant turned that corner (you know, the one where they start sleeping and eating more regularly because they have hit 12 weeks of age) and she and my son started going to sleep at the same time-6:30 pm. I was smart enough to pick up on her routine change so I began synchronizing their schedules. This meant feeding both kids dinner at 5 pm and then letting them play until almost 6 and then giving them a bath together so that they could both get jammies and bed thereafter. Bruno had been following Daddy around a lot on vacation and wanted to spend all his time with Daddy-even when Daddy was in the toilet. Obviously my husband stands up to pee and Bruno became quite the little voyeur. So I guess it shouldn't have surprised me when he stood up in the tub the other night before pissing all over his sister. He had the most accomplished look on his face as he screamed "Mommy, I did it" at the top of his lungs. Poor little serious Brooke just sat there ( I mean come one, she is only 14 weeks) with this perplexed look on her face while her big brother urinated all over her.

Clearly Bruno was picking up a few bathroom tricks from Daddy (not that my husband pisses on our baby, but you know what I mean) and was smart enough to realize that males stand to pee, which was a real testament to his smarts, but it didn't pan out well for his sister when executed.

Finally, to wrap up the bath room trifecta Bruno decided that when we got home he was going to take Mommy's toothbrush and an entire tube of toothpaste and empty them into the toilet. Now toothpaste does not dissolve well in toilet water, so he had to stick his hands in there to break up the gelatinous clumps of blue goo, which apparently didn't slow him down or deter him from his toilet festivities because the next step was to watch the toothbrush swim down the swirling drain as he repeatedly flushed the toilet for good measure-flushed it so many times that he left a reminder of his toilet tendencies because it keep running for hours-so awesome!

Not only did I have to reach into my toilet and pull out my toothbrush and toothpaste, but I had to sit and listen to it run for half the day until my husband was able to come home and fix that stupid pump part.

You are all probably sitting there thinking what a complete idiot I am, which maybe I am, but in my defense, these events all transpired over a few weeks time so it took me a while to add them all up and see what the sum of their parts was indicating. Math was never my strong suit.

Finally, it hit me-it's potty time.

We have now broken out the training toilets and we have two centrally located far away from the baby. Hopefully this will pique my son's interest and make him want to use the potty for his bodily functions instead of my floor or his crib or his sister.