National Mentor Month and Mommy Meltdowns

So while watching some crappy mindless television last night I learned that it is national mentor month-who knew there was such thing, but the timing was very appropriate since I had planned on today's blog being about finding a motivator, or mentor; someone you can look up to that reminds you of your own capabilities and makes you appreciate your own accomplishments and gives you the strength you need to make it through another day. Someone you can think of when the going gets tough so that you can get through your tough time.

I had a really bad day last week. The baby's Zantac hadn't kicked in yet and she was still a screaming gas ball of fury. It was a Thursday and I had planned to drop my son at preschool and then head to the gym with the baby in tow so that she could nap in her infant carrier while mommy pounded away on the treadmill that goes nowhere in an attempt to send my last few baby weight pounds packing.

The morning started off okay. Brooke was happy and well behaved and Bruno was being good and listening and following directions well- as well as a 20 month old can. Brooke even ate and was changed and fell asleep in the car on the way to preschool-YEAH. I probably jinxed things because I started thinking how great this day was going to be.

When I pulled up at school, which is always a bit of a logistical nightmare, (getting both kids out of the car and safely through the parking lot to the door can seem as daunting and challenging as running through the Sahara Desert in high heels and it usually forces me to break a sweat in the dead cold of winter) the sleeping baby woke up and began screaming. Horrible timing, as usual with babies.

Well.....what choice did I have? I had to walk Bruno into his classroom so I got out the snap and go stroller as quickly as possible and snapped her infant carrier in. Then I wheeled the stroller around to the other side of the car where I shoved Bruno's school bag into the bottom of the stroller before releasing him from his car seat and placing him on my hip. Loaded down like a pack mule, I scurried through the parking lot carrying my thirty pound toddler on my hip and steering the stroller with one hand (why was I stressing about going to the gym?). My legs began to burn from the strain and I could feel sweat dripping down between my breasts. Half way through the parking lot a huge gust of wind came and blew Brooke's blanket off from her carrier canopy and the sun and wind stung her face, making her scream even louder than before-so basically at this point she is completely Richter and screaming like I cut her arm off.

Once inside we had to wait in line to get into his classroom (you can't drop your kid off until the teacher unlocks the door). My arms feel heavy and are burning from my trip through the parking lot, and at this point in time I get that itchy feeling at the base of my neck that happens when I am stressed and my neck hair prickles up and stands on end because Brooke is so upset and screaming so loudly. Even though Brooke has only been screaming for five minutes or less it feels like an eternity because those five minutes are intense and I hate hearing babies-any babies-cry. So I put Bruno down and begin to take his hat and coat off so that when they do open the classroom doors he can just walk right in. Bruno thinks we are playing "the chase game," so he takes off down the hallway, forcing me to leave his yelping sister in stroller like some wounded animal on the side of the highway. I run Bruno down and get him situated back in line and ignore the judgemental eyes of the other parents in the hallway as they pass by Brooke's stroller making comments like: "oh, poor baby, what's wrong?" or my personal favorite "maybe she is cold, tired, maybe the light's in her eyes etc. (substitute whatever phrase or word you want, but it all boils down to other parents who don't know me or my baby telling me how to do my job, which is not acceptable in my mommy world.) Finally the doors open and for once I am happy that my kid wants to cut the line to get into the classroom first and for once, I let him.

As I make my way to the door to journey back through the parking lot to the car, I can feel myself teetering on the edge of sanity-the screaming won't stop and it is cold. I suddenly feel over tired and like I am being slowly pecked to death by a duck or other small animal-it is not painful, but just annoying and stressful enough to grind me down.

I get to the car and turn it on to get the heat going. By now I am starting to tear up myself-misery loves company, right? I sit in the backseat and try to nurse Brooke. She is so riled up from all the crying it is near impossible to get her to calm down and get on the boob. I try, then I try again, then I keep trying-crying to myself the whole time. I finally break down and call my husband for help. I assure him that I am okay and that the baby is okay but that I am just having a tough time of things right now. He is wonderful, as always, and gives me the exact pep talk that I need. "Honey you are doing a great job, I know it is hard to breast feed and the baby is just growing so much these days that it seems like all she does is eat, but just put her back on the boob and you'll both feel better soon. I am able to calm Brooke down, calm myself down and get her on the boob.

After a 30 minute nursing session in the backseat of my car, I am able to get her back in her car seat. She falls asleep almost instantly so I drive directly to the gym and deposit her in the day care. I find the nearest treadmill and jump on. I spend the next hour running out my stress while listening to Megadeath blaring in my headphones.

When I recount this story the next day to my close friend who has three of her own and is already pregnant with her fourth, she assures me that she definitely has had many of those baby blue days before and that she remembers how hard it is for the first 12 weeks with a new baby ( I believe her exact words are that newborns suck because they eat and cry constantly). She then lets me in on a little secret. She tells me that when she would have rough mornings or nights or whatever with one of her newborns she would think of her sister who had three kids in five years while going to medical school. "If my sister could have three little ones and become a doctor at the same time then I would get through the first 12 weeks of having a newborn with my wits still intact. If she can do it so can I."

This is a valuable lesson ladies. There will come a time when you are a mommy and you feel yourself melting down. Don't be too alarmed- this is perfectly normal and almost expected, sort of like a rite of passage. Well, to weather these storms you need two weapons in your arsenal.

1) You need to have a life line (husband, sister, mother, aunt, friend etc.) on speed dial that you can call when you need someone to talk you down.

2) You need to have a mentor or motivator. Someone that you admire for whatever reason that inspires you to work hard and do great things. Form a clear picture of this person in your mind and when you feel the mommy meltdown coming on, think of the amazing things that this person has done and accomplished and assure yourself that you too are capable of great things, because you are.

I realize that motherhood is messy and that it never goes as planned, but there are some days when this is a hard pill to swallow because it makes me feel like a failure or like I am a bad mommy, but that is when I think of some of my other mommy friends and their situations and my own motherhood experiences don't seem as bad and I gather the strength I need to forge ahead through another day in the mommy hood.

So....in honor of national mentor month, stop and take a moment for yourselves mommies. Think of someone that motivates you and remember that while you look up to others for motivation, others look up to you for motivation. So, find your own mentor and know that you are someone else's mentor, even if they don't tell you.